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LEAD #1

Original: Chutney, a delicious new Pakistani and Indian restaurant, is located on 3352 Mowry Avenue.

Weaknesses: Don’t start out review by giving location of place. You can add it, but not in the lead. And to be perfectly honest it’s kind of boring, though the location is important it doesn’t exactly spark much interest yet.

New: Chutney tastefully brings together the rich flavors of two different countries, India and Pakistan.

Strengths: This lead, like the original, tells the reader that they will be reading about a newly opened restaurant. However, by not mentioning the location right away you give the readers a chance to absorb the atmosphere of the place before they find out where it is.

LEAD #2:

Original: Have you searched all over the department stores for that perfect prom dress and still have not found anything that you like… here are some new suggestions that might help sweep you off your feet.

Weaknesses: It’s not really good to start a story with a question. Also, “suggestions that might help sweep you off your feet” is very cliché and it’s usually best to try and avoid those.

New: Searching through department store after department store for that perfect prom dress can get quite exasperating. In order to save you a lengthy experience, here are some suggestions that might help.

Strengths: No question, your stating what you want to talk about not questioning your readers. Also no cliché.  Interesting and to the point.

LEAD #3:

Original: The Academy Awards ceremony is March 7.

Weaknesses: This is such a boring first sentence. People who care about the awards would already know they would be happening on March 7, however if you want to mention it then make it sound more exciting.

New: Lights, red carpet, cameras and deafening sounds all come together on the most magical and glamorous night in Hollywood, the 82^nd Academy Awards ceremony will be on March 7.

Strengths: Not as boring, adds a bit of sparkle to the sentence. Better than original, but could be better. Makes it sound interesting.

LEAD #4:

Original: Not everyone wants to go to prom. Prom can be very stressful.

Weaknesses: There’s nothing really bad about this lead, but it’s a bit choppy and could flow better.

New: Prom night sparks excitement in many students, a night of dancing and just having a good time with friends. However it can also be quite stressful.

Strengths: Not too much better, but a little bit more interesting.